You're not seriously expecting me to give you a tour of your own office! C'mon, I'm getting you out of this place! I'll cart you out, if I have to!

It's more than just cannibals banished from Rusthammer over there, we got Catastrophe cultists infesting the place, all in the name of the living Originium forest… Guh, most of my clients would be asking me to take them there by this point. Where's your sense of curiosity?! You wait here, I'll get us some water before I tell you more!

Eh, no biggie even if you didn't bail me out, that prison wasn't so bad. I accidentally ruined the reputations of enough travel agencies, I had plenty of companies trying to get me thrown in jail, but thanks to them, my Terran Travels 'Free Lodgings' Guidebook has a few new entries.

Doesn't matter how much money you've got or how hard the job is, I'm not gonna charge you an arm and a leg if you're feeling something like the Bleached Wasteland. If your idea's good enough, the only consideration I'll need is you bringing yourself along, buuut if you just wanna go into the restricted areas to snap pics with the warning signs, then that'll cost ya!

Look, I might be a rulebreaker, but even I've got standards! Standards like, 'make sure the client comes out without a scratch'! If I didn't keep to that sort of ironclad rule, I'd never have thought to fight off a whole manglerbeast by myself, haha…

It doesn't have to be a restricted area, y'know. It's not like I'm into getting shocked by electric fences. If you believe an ancient secret passage is hidden in Rhodes Island's toilets, then I'd be happy to take you there. However many skeptics there are on this land is the number of places worth going.

What? My tie's all wrinkly? Oh, that's because I used it to wipe too many of my clients' tears. Sad tears, emotional tears, happy tears… Travel has this mysterious effect on people. So, when am I gonna make you cry?

'Traces of civilization among the stars', 'fleets wandering through subspace', huh… It's not that I don't believe you, I just don't understand any of it! Even if you were some crusty old man on a sickbed, delirious with fever instead of the Doctor, I'd believe you. The real question is, when are we gonna get to see them?

Atatatatata—enough outta you! Everybody knows Oripathy's incurable, but should someone working all day and all night to cure it really be saying that? I've still got lots of 'you can't go there' places I want to check out, so I'll leave the 'you can't cure that' diseases to you.

So you're the kind of client who contemplates life anytime, anywhere.

Allow me to introduce you to our travel agency! I'm the president, and you're the staff. So, where are we off to?

Do we really have to watch recordings of places we've been the whole way through?

Pfft! Since when did tour guides get promotions? It's like a musbeast getting a 'Best Street Cleaner' award.

The gold-star tour guide—exclusively recognized by the mysterious pharma corp which deals with politicians all across Terra! Who knows how many clients I'll draw with a reputation like that!

I've never brought a group this big before.

Hey, stick close to my guide flag, okay? No wandering off, or you'll get lost.

Hey, you don't need to stick that close! I climbed up this tree to scout the place, okay?!

Whew, something stinks! Means I know where the enemy is!

Hey, listen! I got something to say!

I'm here, I'm here! Explanation time!

Doctor, get up here! The view's amazing!

Can't let them pass? I'm used to that sorta thing!

'Please note: breaking into restricted areas will not give you superpowers!'

'Ammo is expensive, so there will be no warning shots!'

'Warning: continuing onwards may lead to missile barrage!'

Y'know, these noisy loudspeakers are pretty handy for scaring people.

Told you, not a single hair harmed. Can't really call this place a 'death zone' anymore now, can you?

Alright, group dismissed! Make sure to tell your friends all about me when you get home!

These guys are way too pro at escaping! I should sue them for infringing on my patented techniques!

Look, it's no big deal, let's just run first!

There don't happen to be any secret areas you're not allowed into here, are there?

Gee, you poke like a needlefly, Doctor!

If you want a group huddle, how about a trip to Sami with me?

Arknights.

Pfft, okay, enough jumping around, Doctor. There aren't actually any Sargonian tribes who gather around Originium clusters doing headstand dances to greet the new year, I was just teasing you. But to make sure your jumping doesn't go to waste, my New Year's resolution is to bring you somewhere that actually has a custom like that!

So, figured out where you wanna go, Doctor?

Happy happy birthday to you! Can you guess what's so special about today? It's the day you graduate from working in a teeny-tiny space to traipsing across all of Terra! I can't believe that after all these years, you're still pacing around the same little office! Today, you're coming with me! Outside! On a trip!

Oooh… It's good that everyone has dreams like this, means the two of us won't be running out of work to do any time soon. You're in charge of making the dreams people have come true, while I'm in charge of the same, but for the dreams people are too scared to have. We're like the two bits of bread in a sandwich!